Cilla: (comes in) Hi guys!  How’s it going?  How’re the allergies, Javert?

Javert: *glowers* Better, thanks.

Bahorel: (comes running in) Hey, guys!  Look what I’ve got!

    (The students crowd around him, all talking at once.)

Combeferre: Hi, Bahorel.  What’s up?

Feuilly: What have you got there?

Courfeyrac: Did you finally get that film developed?

    (At this, Bahorel grins wickedly and Enjolras turns about five shades of red.)

Cilla: Ah yes, the infamous film.  Well, don’t keep us in suspense!

Bahorel: *produces a still shot from his videotape of “Scarlet Pimpolras”*

Courfeyrac: *between snickering and shooting glances at Enjolras, who looks like he wishes he could go stick his head in the ground somewhere* Awwww, that’s so cute!

Eponine: Lemme see that! *grabs it away from Bahorel and makes a big show of examining it* I don’t look so bad, but I think Enjolras is making a weird face.

Feuilly: *rolls eyes* I don’t know, one of disgust, possibly…?

Enjolras: Okay, that’s it! *snatches photo away from ‘Ponine and rips it into itty-bitty pieces*

Bahorel: (cheerfully) Well, good thing I took the liberty of getting extra copies made!

Enjy: *whimpers*

Cilla: Okay guys, down to business.  Today, we’re parodying an American classic!

Azelma: (excited) Cats?

Everyone else: NO!!

Cilla: Cool it, guys.  No, ‘Zelma, not unless the others decide they don’t want to cooperate. *eyes students warily* Then we may have to resort to Cats…But no, we’re doing West Side Story today!  Isn’t that great?!

Montparnasse: Um, “great” is…what is the word I’m looking for?

Combeferre: Subjective?

‘Parnasse: No…

Combeferre: Stretching the truth?

‘Parnasse: Not that either…

Combeferre: A blatant lie?

‘Parnasse: Hey, that works!

Cilla: (sarcastically) Ha ha.  Well, you’ll see.  You’ll have lots of fun.  I’ll make sure of that. *gives them a slightly threatening glare* All right, places, everybody!

     (Our story takes us to the slums of New York during the late 1950’s.  There is a fierce rivalry between two street gangs, familiarly known as the Jets and the Sharks.  First, we meet the too-cool “Jets de l’ABC”.)

Courfeyrac: Leave it to her to corrupt a clever political pun.

Cilla: Cool it, Action!  Get out there with the others!

Courfeyrac: *mutters petulantly* I’ll ‘Action’ you…

     (The principal members are as follows:
Enjolriff, the leader
Combefice, a good fighter
Courfeyraction, a guy with a short fuse
Snowbossuet, a practical joker
Baby Jehan, the softie
F-rab, a guy who has no description; he’s kinda just there
There are other guys, too, but I don’t know their names, so anyone left over is there too, but they’re background guys.)

    (Close shot of the students, who are all sitting around snapping.  Yes, you read right—snapping.)

Combeferre: All right, now I feel like a total idiot…

Courfeyrac: You didn’t before?

Jehan: *pouts* At least your name isn’t ‘Baby Jehan’!

Enjy: Waitwaitwait--there’s no dancing in this musical, right?

Cilla: *stares solemnly at him for a moment, then bursts out laughing*

Enjy: *watching her rolling on the ground with mirth* Hmm, now would that be a ‘yes’, or a ‘no’?

     (They strut the streets of the West Side, like they own the place or something.)

Bahorel: We do!  Look out New York, here we come! *walks right out into the street and narrowly avoids getting flattened by traffic*

Cilla: Says the person who makes it the top on their list of priorities to get run over first thing.

Bahorel: *sticks his tongue out at her* Oh, go build a barricade.

     (Presently, they come upon the leader of the rival Puerto Rican gang, the Sharks, whose name is Montparnardo.  He has his little cronies there with him too.)

Montparnasse: This is no fair!  I’m not supposed to get any parts in these things!

Brujon: (growling) Hey, look at us!  We have to be your “cronies”…

     (A big fight scene ensues here, which is somewhat difficult to describe in writing, as are dancing scenes, so all I can do is say that there is a big fight scene here.  It all starts ‘cause the Sharks start picking on Baby Jehan…)

Cilla: All right, Prouvaire, I want you to let Patron-Minette beat the living crud out of you, okay?  It makes this scene more realistic.

Jehan: *pales considerably* What?

Cilla: Ha, ha, just joking with you, kid.

Jehan: *nervously, still watching her warily* Ha, ha…

     (…and it ends with the arrival of the neighborhood cop, Inspector Javrupke, who breaks it all up.)

Cilla: Hmmm, I have nobody to play Schrank.

Javert: Actually, I prefer to go solo, if you don’t mind.

Cilla: *considers this* All right, I think I can work it into the script…

Javert: *pulls out his nightstick and gets into character* All right, all right!  Break it up!!

    (The two gangs finally separate, and position themselves on either side of Javrupke.)

Enjy: Do I have to be in this thing?  I mean, haven’t I done my time between “Le Fiddler” and “Scarlet Pimpolras”?

Cilla: You’ll be great!  You get to lead your little group, fight, and die a tragic, bloody death…you’ll love it!

Enjy: *groan* Oh, all right.  (adopts an abrasive New York accent :-))  Why, if it ain’t Inspector Javrupke!

Students: *just a touch of sarcasm* Top o’ the day, Inspector Javrupke!

Javert: Ah, shaddup. (turns to Prouvaire)  Hey, Baby Jehan, c’mere! (Jehan complies nervously)  Now, which one o’ these PR’s bloodied ya?

    (Jehan hesitates.  Finally, Enjolriff just steps in.)

Enjy: *clears his throat* Ahem…*tapping Javert on the shoulder* ‘Scuse me, sir, as a matter o’ fact, we suspect the job was done by a cop.

    (Both gangs snigger at that, and Javert looks like he wants to whack Enjolras with his nightstick right then and there.)

Bossuet: *holding up three fingers* Two cops, at the very least!

Javert: *glares* All right, that does it.  Montparnardo, get your…friends outta here.

    (Montparnardo shoots Javrupke, then Enjolriff one last foul look, and leaves with the other Sharks in tow.)

Javert: *sigh* As if this neighborhood isn’t crummy enough already. (he turns to the Jets)  Now, fellas…fellas!  Listen to me, and listen good.  If you all want to kill each other, kill each other!  But you’re not gonna do it on my beat!  Get it, got it, good.  *smiles sickly sweet* Goodbye, boys.

Bossuet: *watches him go; mimicking Javert* G’bye, boys!

Courfeyrac: *angrily* You hoodlums don’t own the streets.

Bossuet: Go play in the park.

Courfeyrac: Keep offa the grass.

Combeferre: Get outta the house.

Bahorel: Get outta here!

Courfeyrac: Keep offa the world!  A gang that don’t own the streets is nothin’!

Enjy: We do own it! (turns to Cilla questioningly) We do?

Cilla: *rolls her eyes heavenward* Assume, for the time being, that you do, Enjolras.

Enjy: Okay. (turns back to the Jets) C’mon, Jets!

    (They run back into this alleyway for a little meeting/huddle.)

Cilla: Um, your lines, Gavvie.  Any time you’re ready.

Gavroche: Um…but this part is for a girl.

Cilla: So was yours in “Le Fiddler”.  Deal with it.

Gavroche: So, now I’m a boy pretending to be a girl who thinks she’s a boy.  Well, then.  That’s nice. (turns to Enjolras, falling in step with the Jets)  ‘Riff, ya gotta let me in the gang!  Didn’t ya see me?  I’m a killer, I wanna fight!

Courfeyrac: *grins* How else’s she gonna get a guy to touch ‘er? (his grin fades in confusion) Or would that be “him”?

Enjy: Probably “her”, because he is playing a girl after all…

Courfey: But, if his character thinks she’s a boy, and he’s her, and he’s a he, or is it a her…?

Cilla: Argh, enough!  Are you trying to get me to break out the Advil after only one song?  Go on, Enjolras.

Enjy: Right. (to Gavvie) Beat it, Anybodys.

    (Gavvie/Anybodys pouts, then runs off.  Enjolriff gets down to business.)

Enjy: All right, Jets, lissen up.  We fought hard for this turf, and we ain’t just gonna give it
up like that, right?

Students: No!

Enjy: You’re damn right, no!  So what’re we gonna do, huh, buddy boys?  *he begins to pace thoughtfully* We need to clean those Sharks up once and for all.  And we’re gonna do it in one all-out fight.

Courfey: (excitedly) A rumble!

Enjy: Whoa, easy, Courfeyraction!  The Sharks, y’never know, they might go for blades, zip guns…So what do you say, Jets?

Courfey: I say we bust!

Feuilly: I say we go!

Combeferre: Yeah…but if they say blades or guns…? (turns to Enjy) What do you say, Enjolriff?

Enjy: Hey, I say we stop this dumb parody here and now before it goes too far…(catches Cilla’s expression) But if Cilla says we go on, we go on.  I wanna hold this turf the way we’ve always held it—with skin!  *pauses dramatically* But if they say blades, I say blades.  If they say guns, I say guns.

Jehan: *shrugs nervously* I say we just forget the whole thing…

Enjy: Aw, come on, Baby Jehan.  It’ll be fun…All right, we’re gonna have a war council tonight to determine weapons, time, place, that sort of thing.

Bossuet: What about your lieutenant?

Enjy: That’s Tonarius!

Courfey: Aw, he don’t belong no more.

Enjy: Cut it, Courfeyraction!  Tony’s never let us down before, and he’s not going to now, either!

When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way

From your first cigarette—

Wait, I don’t encourage smoking!  You can’t have that lyric in there!

Cilla: I don’t encourage smoking either, Apollo, but Riff apparently did, so stay in character, would you.

Enjy: *sigh* If we get sued for that, just remember I told you so…

From your first cigarette to your last dyin’ day!

When you’re a Jet, let ‘em do what they can

You’ve got brothers around; you’re a family man!

You’re never alone, you’re never disconnected

You’re home with your own; when company’s expected,

You’re well protected!

Then you are set with a capital “J” which you’ll never forget ‘til they cart you away!

When you’re a Jet, you stay a Jeeeeet!

Joly: Where you gonna find Montparnardo?  It isn’t safe to go into PR territory…

Enjy: There’s a dance tonight at the gym.  Oh God, no…There is?

Cilla: *grins evilly* You betcha.

Feuilly: *trying to keep the action moving* But the gym’s neutral territory.

Enjy: I’m gonna make nice with him, F-rab!  I’m only gonna challenge him!

Combeferre: Great, Daddy-o!  *thinks about that for a moment* 'Daddy-o'?*thinks about that one for a bit*  ‘Daddy-o’?
Bossuet: *jumps up on a bench to sing his verse, and immediately slips right off again*
Whoooa!!

Enjy: *snorts*

Courfey: *examining bench closer* Hey, wait just a dang minute, what’s all this slippery stuff all over this thing?

Enjy: (matter-of-factly) Vegetable oil.

Bossuet: *groan* This wouldn’t have anything to do with all those practical jokes we played on you in “Scarlet Pimpolras”, would it, Enjolras?

Enjy: (innocently; you know the expression) You suspect me?

Cilla: Okay, okay.  I don’t care who it was.  Get up, Laigle, and sing what you have to sing.

Bossuet: *looks over at Enjolras, who’s smirking smugly* But he tried to—

Cilla: Serves you right.  Maybe you’ll think twice next time before trying to kill him.

Bossuet: *between grumbling unmentionable words under his breath*

When you’re a Jet, you’re the top cat in town

You’re a gold-medal kid with a heavyweight crown

Combeferre:
When you’re a Jet, you’re the swinging-est thing

Waitwaitwait, ‘swinging-est’?  That’s not even close to being a word!

Courfey: Don’t invite “Master of the Obvious” comments, mon ami.

Cilla: I must agree with Courfeyrac here, Combey.  You deserve a big, fat ‘DUH!’ for that.

Combeferre: But…Oh, never mind! *grumble, grumble*

Little boy, you’re a man, little man, you’re a king!

Students:
We’re drawin’ the line, so keep your noses hidden!

We’re hangin’ a sign!  Says ‘Visitors Forbidden’!

And we ain’t kiddin’!

Here come the Jets, like a bat outta hell

Someone gets in our way, someone don’t feel so well!

Here come the Jets, little world, step aside

Better go underground, better run, better hide!

Here come the Jets!  Yeah!

And we’re gonna beat every last buggin’ gang on the whole buggin’ street!

On the whole, buggin’, ever-lovin’ STREEEEEEEEEET!  YEAH!!

Cilla: Bravissimo.  All right, Marius, get out here!

Marius: I’m coming, I’m coming already.

     (Enjolriff heads over to Docjean’s Candy Store, where he knows his friend Tonarius will be working.  He has the idea to convince Tony to come with the Jets to the dance tonight, but Tony needs a little persuasion.)

Enjy: C’mon, Tony!  Do it for me, for ‘Riff!

Marius: I can’t; I promised Docjean I’d clean up the store tonight.

Enjy: Oh, c’mon, now you’re just making excuses.  Just do it after the dance.

Marius: (quite obviously just trying to get Enjolriff to leave him alone) Oh, all right.

Enjy: *grins; extends his hand* Womb to tomb?

Marius: *smiles indulgently; grasps his hand* Birth to earth! (pauses)  Hey, ‘Riff, you ever get the feeling that something’s gonna happen, but you don’t know what yet?

Enjy: *thinks a moment* Hmmm…actually…no.

Marius: *ignores his disinterest* Well, I do!  Something’s coming, ‘Riff, something big!  If I only I knew what…

Enjy: *sensing a song segue* Hey, um, I’ll see you later, huh…? *he manages to escape before Marius launches into song*

Cilla: Now Marius, I fully expect to hear every crescendo and decrescendo in this song.  Got that?  Every single one, or else…

Bossuet: *grins* Or else what?

Cilla: (soberly) Or else you all can parody Rent next.  How’s that for incentive? (turns to Marius) Got it?

Marius: *gulp* Okay…

Could beeeeeeeeeeeee…

Who knooooooooows…?

There’s something due any day, I will know right away,

Soon as it shooooooooooows…

It may come cannon-ballin’ down through the sky, gleam in its eye,

Bright as a rooooooooose

Who knoooooooooows…?

It’s only just out of reach, down the block, on a beach,

Under a treeeeeeeeeee…

I got a feeling there’s a miracle due, gonna come true,

Coming to meeeeeeeeeee!

(whining) Cil-la, this song is boring.  Can I stop now?

Cilla: *sighs in acute frustration* Fine.  Just fine, Marius. (turns to the others) All righty, that means I need Cosette and ‘Ponine out here pronto!  Where are they?

Courfey: Ah, they’re still in the dressing rooms…jeez, if we left it up to the women, we’d have hours just to get into our costumes!

Cilla: *arches one eyebrow at him* And just what do you mean by that, messieur?

Courfey: *blinks; remembers who he’s talking to* Oh, um, nothing…

Cilla: Don’t let Euphrasie hear you say that.  Mme. La Suffragette will have your head on a platter.

Cosette: (coming in) Hear him say what?

Courfey: (looks more than a little nervous) Oh, nothing, heh, heh…

Eponine: (obviously doesn’t believe a word of it) Riiiiiiight.

Cilla: All right, can it, you guys.  Cosette, ‘Ponine, we’ve been waiting on you, ladies.

     (In the back room of a bridal shop nearby, Coseria and her best friend Eponita are having a conversation concerning the dress that Coseria will be wearing to the dance that night…yeah, that dance…)

Cosette: (in a hideous Spanish accent) Por favor, Eponita, you are my friend!  You must make the neck lower!

Marius: (shocked) Cosette!

Cosette: (to Cilla) What kind of sicko is this girl?

Cilla: Aw, stick a sock in it, both of you…oh and Cosette, drop the accent please.  You sound like Azelma trying to sing.

Combeferre: Wow.  That was…cruel.

Ep: *grinning like mad* No, Coseria.  Next year!

Cosette: Pleeeeeeeze!

Ep: Eww, stop whining.  Besides, Montparnardo made me promise.

Cosette: Oh. *pouts a little, and finally just puts on the dress* Oh fine, I guess this’ll do.

Ep: Good, ‘cause now I have to go put on my dress, which is oh-so-much-hotter than yours…

Cilla: Yay, dance scene!

Everyone else, particularly Enjolras: *GROAN*

Cilla: Oh, you guys are real party animals.  Come on, liven up!  *checks her cast listing* Oh yeah, and I need a girl to play Graziella.

Ep: How about ‘Zelma?

Cilla: No, she’s already playing Combeferre’s girlfriend.  Where’s Fantine?

JVJ: She’s on vacation, remember?

Cilla: Vacation, what? *shrugs* If you say so…*looks expectantly at Mme. Thénardier*

Mme. Thénardier: Ohhhh, no you don’t!  Not after the suspension wires episode!

Cilla: Oh, come on, Ma’am T, that was two whole parodies ago!  Haven’t you ever heard of “forgive and forget”?  (Mme. Thénardier shakes her head ‘no’ adamantly.) Well, what am I supposed to do then?

Courfey: Why don’t you fill the part, Cilla?  It can’t be more than a couple of lines, can it?

Bossuet: Yeah, it’s about time you started earning your keep around here…

Cilla: *looks incredulously at them* I beg your pardon?! *considers* Weeeell…I am kinda stuck here…okay, I’ll do it.  But just this once!  Never again!  Note to self: always make sure we have an extra girl on call…

     (The gym is filled with lots of people, all dancing to some lively tune…)

Courfey: (disgustedly) What is this music?!

Cilla: This, my uncultured ami, is music from the “good old days”.  So be quiet and dance. *goes up to Enjolras* Well, what are you just standing around for?  You’re s’posed to dance with me!

Enjy: Beg your pardon?  My hearing must be going at an early age—I could have sworn you said that I’m supposed to dance with you.

Courfey: *grins like a madman* Don’t you know who Graziella is, chéri?

Enjy: (miserably, as if he already senses trouble) Tell me…

Courfey: *still with that insufferable grin plastered all over his face* Why, according to this script, she’s your girlfriend, Enjolras!  Isn’t that just lovely?

Enjy: *grimaces* Why me?

Cilla: Enough talk already.  Oh and Enjolras, let me lead, since we know you can’t dance your way out of a paper bag…

Enjy: *sighs* High praise indeed.

     (Anyway, so everybody’s dancing and everything.  There are members from both gangs there, as well as their girls and other assorted background fill-ins.)

Bahorel: *sob* I feel so insignificant!

Cilla: *while trying to keep Enjolras on beat* You’re saying you actually want a part? *turns to glare at Enjolras* No, no, no!  Watch me!  One, two, three, four!  One, two, three, four!  *grrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

Bahorel: *laughs nervously* Um…Who me?  I didn’t say anything.

     (Soon, the Sharks’ leader Montparnardo and his girlfriend, Eponita, and his lovely little sister Coseria arrive at the dance.  The two gangs have a little standoff, but nothing really comes of it.  There’s an enormous Mambo dance scene here, which can’t be put into words, except to say that the two gangs cluster around their respective leaders and their dates to watch them do their little solo dances.)

Cilla: OW!  That was my foot, you %$@#&!!

Cosette: *covers Gavroche’s ears*

Cilla: All right, forget this part…move on, please!  Marius, come on!

     (Finally, Tonarius arrives, as he had promised.  The others are dancing, and he suddenly catches sight of a girl on the outskirts of the group.  She sees him at the same time, and it’s love at first sight…)

Students: *gag*

Ep: *whines* How come Cosette always gets to play opposite Marius?! *glares at ‘Parnasse* Look at my co-star…

Enjy: *grins* A vast improvement over me, huh?

Ep: *sticks her tongue out at him*

Marius: (to Cosette, while holding her hands) So much to believe in…(suddenly worried) You’re not making a joke, right?

Bossuet: If she is, it isn’t funny…

Courfey: (looking rather disgusted with the whole love scenario) Well put.  There’s nothing funny about making people retch…

Cosette: *glaring at them, but speaking to Marius, albeit through clenched teeth* No, I’m not making a joke…

     (They kiss…aww, how sweet!  But wait--!  Not everybody thinks it’s sweet.  Montparnardo is over there faster than you can say ‘Overprotective older brother’…)

‘Parnasse: *dragging Marius away from Cosette* Get your hands off my sister!

Marius: (genuinely surprised) Sister?!

Cosette: (beseechingly) ‘Nardo…

‘Parnasse: Don’t we need to cast someone for Chino, Cilla?

Cilla: Damn!  Forgot about that…Grantaire, get up here!

Grantaire: *blinks blearily* Wha…?

Cilla: (irritated) Come on, I haven’t got all day!

R: *salutes lethargically* You called, y’majesty?

Cilla: Grantaire, here’s your script.  Enjoy.

R: (suddenly alarmed) B-but…(looks over the script quickly) But, this guy’s a dork, Cilla!  I need to play someone cool!

Courfey: Or someone drunk, one or the other…

Cilla: R, if you’ll recall, I am the omnipotent author.  My words are law.  You are not living in a democracy here; this is dictatorship.  Despotism.  Totalitarianism, if you will.

Enjy: *arches one eyebrow, his expression rather disturbed*

R: *blinks* Um…all right.

‘Parnasse: Can I go on here?  Sheesh…Chinotaire, get Coseria out of here!

     (We forgot to mention Chinotaire before this, I’m afraid…the crux of it is, he’s Coseria’s betrothed, another Puerto Rican, like her.  Now, he leads Coseria away from Tonarius despite her protests.)

Marius: (dreamily) Coseria…

‘Parnasse: *looks like he’s planning on beating Marius to a bloody pulp* Look, you miserable—

Enjy: *slipping deftly in between Marius and ‘Parnasse* Well, hello there, Montparnardo!

     (Tonarius walks away, distractedly murmuring Coseria’s name, while Enjolriff offers his challenge.)

Enjy: I want you for a war council.

‘Parnasse: *smiling falsely* It would be my pleasure.

Enjy: Docjean’s Candy Store, in an hour?

‘Parnasse: I look forward to it…

Marius: *wandering out of the gym and out onto the streets* Coseria…

The most beautiful sound I ever heard…

Coseria…

All the beautiful sounds of the world in a single word…

Coseria…

Coseria!

I just met a girl named Coseria!

And suddenly that name will never be the same to meeeee!

Coseria!

I just kissed a girl named Coseria!

And suddenly I’ve found how wonderful a sound can beeeeee!

Coseria!  Say it loud and there’s music playing

Say it soft, and it’s almost like praying…

Coseria…I’ll never stop saying

Coseria!

Ep: I’m sorry, but the syllables were just all screwed up in that…

Enjy: Mmm-hmm.  As if “Eporia” would have been any better…

     (Coseria gets quite a lecture from her brother later that night, but at least Eponita sympathizes.)

Ep: She’s free to have fun, ‘Nardo!  She is in America now!

‘Parnasse: Puerto Rico is in America now!

Ep: *shakes her head and rolls her eyes*

     (Eponita and Montparnardo go up onto the roof of the apartment building, where the other Sharks and their girlfriends are hanging out.)

Ep: (listening to the “roof” set creak ominously beneath her feet) Great.  Of all the parts of the budget to skimp on…

‘Parnasse: What’s so great about America, anyway?  There’s nothing here for us…just lies, prejudice--

Bossuet: --and Dunkin’ Donuts!

Enjy: Not invented yet, dummy.

R: --Unfortunately.

Ep: What are you talking about?  Was it so good there?  We had nothing.

Puerto Rico, my heart’s devotion

Let it sink back in the ocean!

Always the hurricanes blowing!

Always the population growing!

And the money owing!

     (The girls rally behind Eponita to extol the virtues of America.)

Cilla: *ahem* Girls…

Courfey: (in his lovely drag costume) I cannot believe I am doing this…

Gavroche: *snorts* I can't belive it either.

Enjy: *grinning* I agree.  This is worse than any punishment I could have thought up.

Cilla: (placidly) That, darling, is because I'm an expert.

Combeferre: *mutters* Sure, I can see you earning your master's in Chinese Water Torture 101.

Eponine & Girls (Courfeyrac, Bahorel, & Bossuet): (in squeaky falsettos)

I like to be in America

Okay by me in America

Everything free in America!

‘Parnasse: *grinning from ear to ear at the “female” students*

For a small fee in America!

Ep:

Lots of new housing with more space

‘Parnasse:

Lots of door slamming in our face!

Ep: (dramatically)

I’ll get a terrace apartment!

‘Parnasse: *coming up behind her*

Better get rid of your accent!

Ep:

Skyscrapers bloom in America!

Courfey: (in falsetto, of course :-))

Cadillacs zoom in America!

Bahorel: (falsetto)

Industry boom in America!

Sharks:

Twelve in a room in America!

     (There’s some dancing here, especially the guys being silly and goofing around.)

Eponine & Courfey:

Here you are free and you have pride!

Sharks:

Long as you stay on your own side!

Eponine & Courfey:

Free to be anything you choose!

Sharks:

Free to wait tables and shine shoes!

‘Parnasse: *counting them off on his fingers as he lists them*

Everywhere grime in America!

Organized crime in America!

Terrible time in America!

Enjy:

Too many rhymes in America!

Cilla: *glares* A-hem.

Ep: *smirks at him and adds the correct line*

You forget I’m in America!

     (Okay, lots more dancing…)

‘Parnasse: Jesus, it’s hard to dance on this rickety set…

Courfey: You should try it in heels!

Cilla: Well, that takes care of the Rent allusion for this parody…you guys must really want to parody that play, huh?

     (The lovely dancing continues, that is, until Courfeyrac does an extraordinary high kick, and his shoe flies off.  As usual, it’s Javert that ends up with the imprint of a heel on his forehead.)

Students: *burst out laughing*

Javert: *his eyes roll up in his head* Why me? *collapses*

Cilla: Heh.  Well…that was…in-teresting…

Courfey: *retrieving his shoe from the ground beside Javert, who’s out cold* Interesting?  It was hilarious!

Cilla: Aww, poor Javvie…are you guys just gonna leave him there?  Come on, we’d better take a coffee break while I get the paramedics.  They did tell me they’d be on call today when they found out we were doing another parody…

Combeferre: Bring on the caffeine rush…

Cilla: Waitwaitwait!  You can’t go till you finish the song!

Ep: Oh, fine…

All: Olé!!!

‘Parnasse: There.  We’re done.  Coffee break!!

Cilla: *hears them talking loudly as they wander off towards the break room*

JVJ: Hey, hey, hey, listen to this!
*sings*

One play more

Another play, another parody

This never-ending lack of sanity

Can we survive this stupid play

And live to sing another day?

One play more…

Cilla: *sighs; shakes her head* Creative bugger, isn’t he?

Disclaimer: Obviously, the characters (excepting Cillabub) do not belong to me, nor does West Side Story, or for that matter, Les Mis.  So don't sue me.  Please.  Oh yeah, and on that note, Enjolras forces me to add that we are in no way affiliated with the tobacco industry, and we shouldn't be sued for that, either. :-)